I can tell you one thing: this guy has no reason to be smiling coyly for the cameraman. No need to attempt any seduction, I recoiled the instant I caught a glimpse of your pitiful coif. We've mentioned hair gel quite a bit on this young blog, and, as we like to say around here, it's time to get down to the douche. Time to take a look at this overwhelming issue and address it in full.
You're walking down the street, minding your own business, when SHAZ-WALLAKABOOM that diligently-sculpted mohawk enters your field of vision. You know the one I mean. The one that looks like Bobby NoGood woke up extra early to perfect. As the kids are saying these days, the "faux-hawk." Your nice day is ruined with the vibe of douche. Poor bastard doesn't even recognize the fashion faux-pas he is committing with this over-gelled mess of a hairdo. I didn't know this was something that needed spelling out, but apparently it is necessary: no fellas should be sportin a 'do. Think about it. The words "faux" and "hawk" defining your hairstyle? It's obvious to me you didn't give this a good thinking-over. When good old mom took you to Walmart to pick out some fancy hair products, she wasn't doing you any favors. Next time you have that plastic bottle in your hand, I want you to stop and think. You're not just hurting yourself, you're hurting everyone around you. Think of your little brother, who looks up to you. Do you really want him to catch you in the act of styling your locks? Make the right choice. Put it down, and try keeping your hands clean. It will do you a world of good.
The "just-had-a-run-in-with-a-faux-hawk":
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