Nope. Stop right there. That is not working.
Let's start here: you are not attractive. You think having a toned bod sets you ahead of other dudes, therefore making you a prime choice for the hot chicks. You are sadly mistaken.
Firstly, you're hair is gelled. Strike one. I know you like to get dolled up for the club, but this won't fly here. Also, you may have a plain face, but I don't need you to put in your faux-green contacts to make your eyes pop. It's pretty pointless when girls do this, but even more so when you're a dude. It just doesn't add up. But then you take it a step further and drape a sea-shell adorned necklace around your neck. Wow. Original. I get you're going for the whole "laid-back west-coast surfer" vibe, but you're in the heart of buttfuck Missouri. Oh, that's good, unbutton your shirt a little. Or a lot. That way everyone here can catch a glimpse of your meticulously waxed chest. Success. Although you'd like to believe otherwise, this and your freshly bronzed face gave you away as a hopeless douche chill the second you entered that door. Tough crowd, I guess.
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