Absurd

Sexy. Lusty. Foxy. Red-Hot.

Unfortunately, none of these words describe you. I don’t care how much money you spent on that costume at Party City. You look ridiculous. I’m guessing you spent well over $50 for that sexy referee getup. Because that makes sense. I don’t think I’ve ever even seen a female referee, specifically one wearing hotpants at a children’s soccer game.

This fad has escalated to the point of no return. It’s probably not going away anytime soon. Know why? Because hos love dressing up in some nonsensical prostitution garb, come All Hallow’s Eve, way too much. These bitches love the thrill of “Oh, tee hee, I’m dressed like a bad girl. I’m going to get so much attention!” Yeah, except every other ho is wearing the same costume. I don’t think I could handle it if I heard another chick quote that line from Mean Girls. You know the one I mean. Where she says Halloween is the one night where a girl can dress like a skank and no one can say anything. For reasons beyond me, girls tend to believe this is fact. Believe it or not, I still think you’re a skank.

Okay, okay, maybe I see where you’re coming from. Being a butterface and all, this is the one time you can attract any male attention. But I don’t think putting together a sexy chef costume is really going to do the trick. Seriously, a chef? Apparently all you have to do is work in some exposed cleavage and tramp stamp action and VOILA! You’re a slutty chef. Even though the only thing identifying you as a chef is that ludicrous hat.

Do I even need to mention the dudes costumed as Chippendales dancers? They won’t get away with this, I’ll tell you that much.