The Cargo Pant

Its here! Its innovative! Its pursewear for men!

Gents-

Have you found yourself having to lug around all your possessions? Do you need a place to store your multitude of needless items? Well look no further than the cargo pant. Don't worry about having to carry around all that shit in your hands. Just stuff 'em down your pants!

Ok, now let's be serious. Sorry, but in almost no situation will a man need more than 3 items to carry around. And generally speaking, a standard pair of pants has 4 pockets. More than enough.

I'm gonna let you in on something. Cargo should only be used to describe a ship. So what does that say about your choice of duds? It says that unless you're transporting goods across an ocean, the word cargo shouldn't be used to describe your wardrobe.

Alright, alright. Unless you're an inexperienced woodsman out pitching a tent, you could stand to lose the cargos. Indeed, if you are a fisherman, I can probably let it slide. But showing up to your afternoon algebra class in that getup just isn't cutting it. When you've crossed the line into legal adulthood, Cargo Douche, this can't be justified. Put 'em away, friend.