Stage 1: This is the lowest level of douche. Though ultimately non-threatening, these individuals tread dangerous waters. They risk continuing their douchey behavior until they have taken it to the next level. These douches favor Dave Matthews, wear cargo pants (see below), and wear baseball caps every day of the week. Generally bearable, though very adamant in their terrible taste in alternative-pop music. (Don't ever mention to me that your favorite band is Boys Like Girls.)
Stage 2: D-bags who have transcended into the second hierarchy of douche. These guys dig hair gel and pop their shirts off as much as possible. Only bearable for a short period of time. Ones who are "looking to get fuckin' drunk tonight" will generally pass into Stage 3 by the end of the night, so be wary of Stage 2 Douche.
Stage 3: Highest level on the douche chain-o-command. Oftentimes, these individuals are so far gone they have no hope of ever being tolerable. Avoid at all costs. These douches typically try and impress with their knowledge of all things "badass." They walk around with crude ironic slogans on their TTT (too tight tees), generally favor mainstream tattoos, and tend to believe they are good-looking. These individuals have proven themselves capable of reaching douche-at-first-sight status.
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