That'll Do

Oh, you're shrewd. For you, Bingo Night will not be about the possibility of winning a bottle of Pepsi. That's not what you came for. No, tonight is your chance to make it as a stand-up comic. After Sally C. Regibold announces next round's prize, it's your turn to shine. You're not satisfied with the university's chosen prize of Gatorade, so you throw down suggestions. Sniggering at your own quick wit, "HOW BOUT SOME BUD LIGHT?" Ah, you clever bastard, why didn't I think of it first?? You're well on your way to being the next Jay Leno! Instead of actually partaking in the drink-fest that is Friday after 10, you would rather announce your drink of choice to a crowd of alcohol-free bingo-ers. It is obvious that you are striving to peak on the douche-o-meter, because to you, holding douche status means you can say whatever comes to mind. Good for you. We all reap the benefits of your comic genius.

Even worse than Douche1? Douche2. He looks over his shoulder to smile appreciatively at Douche1's first-rate shout-reference to cheap beer. Congratulations, you made a friend. Douchebags, unite!