Hey, you. Yeah, you sitting there in the row in front of me. It's Monday again, and here we are in biology lecture. I was wondering if today I could opt out of your weekly weekend update? See, you're talking awfully loud and I can't hear the professor. And you're right, I don't want to listen to Dr. Whozit droning on about molecules for fifty excruciating minutes today. But the thing is, I want to listen to you even less.If I'd woken up today and decided it wasn't a day for biology, well then I wouldn't have gotten out of bed. But since I put in so much effort to rouse and clothe myself, please try to contain the summary of your gloriously fratty weekend to under thirty minutes.
(P.S. For someone who was "so fucking wasted" that he doesn't "remember a fucking thing from Saturday night," you're giving us an awful lot of details of Saturday night.)
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