4 a.m.

Hey. You. Yeah, you there who decided 4 a.m. was an appropriate time for a snack. You're the reason we're standing in the parking lot in our pajamas with 400 of our closest friends at this ungodly hour. You can stand there and try to look inconspicuous in your boxers, but by morning the word will be out on how difficult you find the instructions on the back of the Ramen packet.

You're probably the kid that tried to dry his jeans in the microwave freshman year, too. Please, stop trying. This complex technology is obviously above you.