The Life of the Party

Want to know the truth? Because the title suggests the exact opposite. Oh, the irony.

So anyway, you're an asshole. The buzzkill. Ouch. Quite a reputation you've made for yourself already, even though I've been in this car all of 30 seconds. That's quite a record in my book. Great job!

I mean, two hot chicks (that's us!) just hopped in next to you and, like most who interact socially, asked you your name. You decide to withhold this information to the point of no-holds-barred dick. “Suck my balls, I don’t gotta tell you my name! Get the fuck outta this car if you don’t like it!” Well, you certainly know how to make a first impression, I’ll give you that much. Now, I can tell this guy is frustrated. Not because he’s so keen to make a douche of himself, but because two ahead-of-the-curve assholes (that’s us!) just infringed on his bro-time in the car. He wants to be the biggest asshole, dammit! Pardon me. I was only invited in, ya dope! I was shocked that your buds didn’t use their feet to shove you out of the car. I know I was pretty close. I’m pretty sure these dudes would rather you left than force out the already overwhelmingly small female ratio. It’s all about the ratio, after all.

Your problem is you haven’t stumbled upon the true brilliance of being the asshole. You just need to fine-tune your disposition. It’s all about subtlety, man! Let’s sit down some time, just the two of us. I could teach you a thing or two about the grace of a beguiling a-hole.