Happy Birthday?

If there's anything worse than a person making a big deal out of their own birthday... I haven't heard about it. Pressure me into throwing you a party, will you? Well I'm gonna let you in on something- I'd be happy to give you a pat on the shoulder, maybe with a smile thrown in there, but quite frankly, asking anything more from me is absurd. I'm not interested in cooking up a big celebration just because you get to add another tick mark to your life status. I don't much care that you're 19. Your mom might, but her and her only. Oh, and pretty much no one enjoys birthday gatherings. You know who likes birthday parties? 6 year-olds and grandmothers. There, I said it. You are six years old. Or eighty, what's the difference. Don't ask me what kind of cake I'm getting you either, because there's a 100% chance I haven't thought about it.