Are you for serious? I wish I were lying right now, despite the humor of the situation. You see folks, Lola, a class-A douche, just whizzed by me only to reveal an even bigger douche as an owner. Oh jeeze: a walking Barbie. However, these days Barbie has got you beat on style, I'm afraid. Riding a baby pink moped around in head to toe shades of pink is not okay. Bright pink sneaks and socks, hot pink gym shorts, a light pink tank top and jacket, and a sparkly PINK tote bag. You might as well be Midge Monochromatic. What are you doing even going anywhere dressed like this, let alone riding around on your pink moped. You know what? Barbie seems like she'd be really annoying to be around. She's constantly got a "fuck you" grin. Her hair looks exactly the same, all the time, until it turns into a rat's nest. She's always stiff and standing on her tippy toes, and she wears Velcro clothes. Her voice is probably about as annoying as the one in the Barbie dream house commercial: overly excited and singly. Lola, I don't think you want to be whizzing by or walking around like this or even giving off this vibe. My first advice is to lose the moped. (Don't worry, even I won't care if you ride a pink bike around.) Secondly, never buy anything pink again. Perhaps I just caught you on a bad day--when you happened to be decked out in literally everything pink--but I suspect the majority of your belongings are 90% pink. I forgot to mention she was wearing a pink helmet, too.
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