Too Many Douche Chills

Your parents, your teachers, maybe even your local priest is on facebook these days. Good grief, I need to cut off this addiction soon. I don't know about the rest of the world, but I certainly cannot even scroll through my news feed with out stumbling into a huge douche chill.

"A moment ago" Blah-Blah-Blah posted: cant take this anymore.my heart is so broken.i cant go on like this anymore.im DONE! im sorry
OMG! Blah-Blah-Blah are you okay?? What happened, gurl?!
Is this the kind of reaction you were hoping for when you shared this information to the world? Save the sobs for your pillow, Blah-Blah-Blah. Do you really want the ENTIRE WORLD to know that you've either gone off the deep end or are about to commit suicide? I hate to be insensitive, but fuck! The douches of facebook need some plain old common sense. Be a little more selective when you're lonely and need to share something with your "friends." Heck, use the magic that is known as fiction. No one will know if you're lying about your happiness. Probably not even you, ya sad sack.


3 minutes ago Sally NoFace posted 27 new pictures in the album "New hair!" Oh fabulous! I was really wondering what the status was of your lovely mane. By the way, the new blond streaks look terrible. Were twenty seven pictures of you, with slight pose variances, in front of your webcam really necessary? Are you really the same age as me? I know that you need to show the world this great new 'do, but posting one might have been sufficient. Okay, who am I kidding? NONE would have been sufficient. Thanks again for the reminder, Sally NoFace, you're ugly!